my review of Death Note's last chapter

Don't you just hate Near? I know I do.
Death Note Special One Shot by Tsugumi Ohba

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


Five Reasons Why I Hate Near (and this chapter)



1. HE IS NOTHING BUT A BAD COPYCAT.



Really, am I the only one who noticed that Near was basically a really sad rip off of L? The half-hunching, the toys to replace the sweets, the panda eyes, the percentages...is there any sole trait this guy has that makes him stand out? I mean, Mello is an asshole, but at least he has his own assholish personality.



This guy is such a rip off, that we need to give him a Kira of his own just so he can imitate L in every possible way. Do we not get a break from this copycat? The only thing Near has is that he's such a brat, and isn't as cute as L can be.



Which brings me to my next point...



2. HE IS A PAINFUL AND ANNOYING KNOW IT ALL!



Is there one thing this brat doesn't already have figured out? I mean, geez, he seems to be one step ahead of everybody all of the time. At least with L, he was sometimes one step behind Light. There was an actual struggle there. With Near? What's even the point?



And god, if he's going to know everything, does he have to be such an irrevocable smartass about it all?



3. THE CONCLUSIONS HE COMES TO ARE STUPID, FOR A SUPPOSED KNOW IT ALL!



Oh yeahhh, Mello's going to stalk Halle because she's a woman and therefor weaker and smaller than the rest of us menz.



I have never, ever heard of such a stupid statement! He literally called Halle less competent than his men officers! How sucky is that? If it were any other woman, I can sense quitting. And maybe, if we're lucky, kicking.



Don't even get me started on his other "conclusions". Like that idiocy he spouts in front of the president of the US, which is supposedly suppose to show us how smart he is.



Or when he "wisely" states that he and Mello can surpass L together, but not alone. Bitch, please. As if anyone would want to work under you. I honestly can't blame Mello for wanting to get as far away from Near as possible. Of course, Near would claim they'd be "working together", but come on. It's obvious and very apparent which one of them would be in charge.



And even if this was a smart statement to make under the circumstances? HE DIDN'T SAY IT. Roger told them they should work together years ago, so how on earth does this become Near's sole realization? SIGHHHHH.



4. HIS PETER PAN COMPLEX



I don't know if it's just me, but those toys and the pajamas aren't cute. They're creepy.



This guy is what, twenty? And he is still playing with legos and transformers?! What is wrong with this dude? I mean, he literally sits on the floor and does this all of the time. I won't even go into the creepyness of those puppets.



There is a line at quirky and just plain strange.



5. HE WILL NEVER BE L



I don't know how I would feel about Light sitting in a swivel chair at the end, staring at a big L on a computer screen. I don't know how I would feel about Mello doing the same (only, of course, with chocolate in hand). But I know exactly how I feel about Near sitting on the floor next to the swivel chair, playing with a toy train set.



NO. JUST. NO.



How...why...how could you make him L? How could you? I mean, I know we had to continue the L legacy and all, but Near will NEVER be L, NEVER. And we even tried to say that he would be the next L. HOW? HOW?



Anyone but Near, please. Matsuda, even. Actually, Matsuda would be a kickass L. But just not Near. And you will NEVER EVER EVER make him L! EVER!



--



The point of this chapter was to cement the fact into the readers brains that "NEAR = L! <3".


Hence why we gave him his own Kira. Near was really supposed to be L 2.0, which I suppose is why we HAD to have Near take down Light in the end. But I can't stand it! I can't! Near =/= L! I'm sorry, but despite a few exceptions I am a 1st Generation purist. I can't stand the thought of Near taking over as L forever, with everybody suffering below him. What kind of sane adult would want to work under THAT?



I suppose this was just a rant on the ending which I had to get out. I have said it again and I will say it once more:



Near =/= L, and he never, ever, ever will, no matter what Ohba says.