Almost Perfect review

Almost Perfect by Brian Katcher

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


So a few months ago I wrote an Almost Perfect review. It was really long, really confusing and the worst part: really, really fucking boring. So after careful consideration I've decided to re-write it. So let's get this party started!







First -- Logan.



Logan is our narrator. Logan is a jock.



Logan is also a fucking prick.







In fact, if it wasn't for Logan I may have given this book four stars. If you had been watching my Goodreads ratings a few months ago you would see that I did, at least for a little while. But then I remembered Logan.



For god's sake the entire premise of the fucking story is Logan acting like a prick. And I know this. But yet I am still surprised with how much of a prick he really was. His prickness went sort of in a cycle, like this:



1. Logan pursues Sage.



2. Sage tries to tell Logan that he probably doesn't want her.



3. Logan pursues Sage anyway...



4. Sage gives in and Logan finds out (or remembers) that she's really a boy and freaks out. (Logan's thought process: "OMG IF SAGE IZ A BOY THAT MAKES ME A FAAAAGGGGG!! NOOOO!" -- I told you he's a prick.)



5. Sage's heart gets broken.



6. Sage and Logan make up and decide to just be friends.



AAAAAND REPEAT.







He just keeps doing that. Treating Sage that way. And it fucking bothers me.



Sure, one could say I'm being judgmental. One could say that Logan was just lost, just confused, just hurt like Sage was. One could say that if it was me in Logan's position I would act the same way.



And I could say that the person saying those things is wrong. I don't give a fuck how "confused" or "lost" you are. If you are a fucking prick you are a fucking prick and you should not get away with it. And no, unlike Logan, my momma raised me so I actually don't make a habit of treating people like crap.



And it isn't like Logan's just shocked. He gets outright angry at Sage. From what I remember, he even punches her in the face. He throws her Christmas present back at her feet. He makes her fucking miserable. I can not sympathize with someone like that.



I could not stand being in Logan's head. I wanted to rip my hair out every time he made cries of "IT WAS A TRAAAAPPPPPP! SAGE'S REALLY A NASTY HAIRY MAN AND HE MADE ME A FAAAGGGG! I'M A HOMO! A GAY! OH NO! MY LIFE IS OVER, MY LIFE IS OVER HELP ME MOMMY!" If you had been there while I was reading the book you would have seen me gripping a pen tightly between my fingers. I wasn't quite sure what I would do with this pen at the time, scribble over the pages to black out Logan's stupidity or stab my own fucking eyeballs out.



Don't even get me started on how he treats his other male friends. Seriously, is this guy a fucking sociopath? DOES HE HAVE ANY REMOTE FEELINGS FOR OTHER HUMAN BEINGS WHAT SO EVER?



(I'm sorry, sociopaths reading this. That was wrong. I shouldn't have compared you to Logan.)



...*deep breath*



As you can see, I don't like Logan. *chuckles*



Well, let's move on before I go into another rant.



So. Sage.



Hm. I like her. In fact, she's the only reason I read the book to end (well it sure as fuck wasn't Logan). You see...she's actually a character you can sympathize with. Well, mostly.



The only thing I found fault with was how easily she was willing to kill herself because she couldn't get her way. Well, that was a terrible way of wording it, wasn't it? It's not like she's just a spoiled child. I mean, this is her gender we're talking about here. But that's not what I mean.



Sage's sister, Tamara. Right? I can't exactly remember her name right now. Regardless, her sister. Her sister loves her, has stuck up for her when her parents were being dicks and has supported her for her entire life. And Sage is so willing to take her own life without a single thought of Tamara. I...can't. Because it isn't like her train of thought is "She'll be much better without me" like other people who commit suicide despite their loved ones. She just...forgets about Tamara. And that's not very cool.



(Of course, we could say that Logan fucked Sage up so badly that she just didn't even give a fuck anymore.)



(What? Imagine if you move to a town. Your closet friend who you have a crush on does what Logan did. Tell me, go on, tell me that wouldn't mess with your psyche, even a little bit.)



(My Jesus. I fucking hate Logan.)



Let's move on again...



I think this novel would have been better from Sage's perspective. Despite her slight selfishness, like every human has, she surely is the one we sympathize with. And she's the one we side with. And she's the one we actually care about. I don't give a fuck about Logan. I want to know about Sage.



But before this goes into another rant about Logan...



Katcher's writing is good, really. It kept me intrigued, it was easy to read, I liked it. The one thing that ruined this book for me was...wait, you guess.



That's right.



LOGAN.



Hell, if Logan wasn't the narrator I may have even given this book five stars just because he wasn't the narrator. That's how much I hate him. *seethes*



Well, anyway, the copy I got was a library hardback, thank goodness. If I had bought it I don't know how angry I'd be. I'd probably throw a little fit, a tantrum like a baby. But that's not to say I would not recommend the book. That's not the point of this review. However, I would recommend you find a way to read it for free before you buy it. Honestly, paying twenty dollars for this would have made me very angry. Twenty dollars can buy like six boxes of that healthy Panda brand licorice. And I'd get much more enjoyment out of eating that than reading about Logan.



But hey, that's just me. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. And if you don't you can always come back to this review in the comments section to rant about Logan with me!